Passports for all 3 kids need renewing at the same time. That was a stupid fucking idea wasn’t it.

Dear non-parents What’s it like going places without snacks in your pockets?

Today I had to buy a fitted bed sheet - exciting I know. One of the selling points of one brand was that it was ‘non iron’. Confession time - who actually irons their bedsheets?

First parkrun of the year. Did I get overtaken by a 10 year old? Yes. And a guy running with a screaming kid in a buggy? Yes. Did I finish with one of my worst ever times? Yes. But am I glad I got myself out of bed and run this sunny morning? Fuck. No.

Watched a real life dad call his son off the park field and the kid just walked off first time and they went home. No tears. No tantrums. No pleading. No negotiations. No bribery. No yelling that his dad was the worst in the world. Was it a robot? It was a robot wasn’t it.

Sorry I’ve not tweeted for nearly a year. My 8 year old has been telling me all about a shiny Pokemon he caught

I tried to make my 11 year old daughter laugh today and she called me “cringey” so how is your day going?

Had a huge argument with my 8 year old: 8: I’M NEVER SPEAKING TO YOU AGAIN! Me: What did you say? 8: I SAID I’M NEVER SPEAKING TO YOU AGAIN! Me: Ha, you just did! Haha!

Do parents ever shake off the urge to cut grapes just in case they choke someone? I want to believe.

When I randomly walk into a room in my home and find my kids playing quietly together I slowly and silently back out like I've stumbled into a den of hungry velociraptors who by some miracle haven't noticed me yet.

My 15 year old called me dude. It still means what it used to mean doesn’t it?

How many words can you say in a minute? Because my 8 year old can say 1,453,491

Even closer! Nearly half way there… 🙏 thank you! Please keep it going 🙏🙏🙏💕 gofundme.com/f/stuart-minty #StuartsArmy

Miss 11 has a friend round. Me: Says anything 11 to her friend: Mum uses old fashioned words from dinosaur times.

8yo: You said I had to brush my teeth, but you didn’t say I had to brush all of them. Technically correct

Started to read a new book to my 8 year old. He told me to skip the prologue because they’re stupid and… well… he’s not wrong.

Recommendations needed. My 8 year old has broken my iPad screen. It was an accident and he’s upset about it, but can anyone recommend a reputable place that will replace 8 year olds?

The old Hotspur Press building in Manchester is badly on fire. Strange how when developers don’t get their way, buildings have a horrible habit of going on fire

I’m worried that when my kids are older they will talk about all the classic films they watched growing up but they’ll be talking about Boss Baby instead of Back to the Future

Can’t beat that feeling of being out drinking with work and everyone sharing photos and you wondering who the old grey guy is and realising it’s you