Lambert-St. Louis, the LaGuardia of the Midwest

For the loveliest girl in the world: Mother

I don’t understand the loss and I won’t respond to it.

Remember chance the snapper? Wonder what he’s up to these days.

ok hear me out SKECHERS USA: a shape-up that lights up. “get fit, get lit.” Lmk the purchase order and I’ll process the invoice.

Starting to think my tweets are not accomplishing legislative change

Healthcare workers be like: 2020: “How do I avoid Covid?” 2021: “How do I avoid crippling depression?” 2022: “How do I avoid getting shot at work?”

I don’t expect Roger Marshall to understand the anger Kansans feel when dozens of little kids are murdered and he does nothing but pay lip service to the NRA, but it would behoove him to try.

Bought a beer and some animal crackers at the airport because I’m a gosh darn adult dang it

Not sure why anyone/everyone needs to hear this, but if you are the person accompanying someone else to their surgery, you should answer your phone when it rings

By who? Hutch?

Wife: “Do you think if we’re bad enough (good enough? 🤔) we will get to come back in the next life as stupid?”

There is no such thing as an after-birth abortion.

There are no changing tables in the restrooms of the Houston IAH Marriott Hotels so my wife had to change our baby’s dirty diaper on her hands and knees on the bathroom floor. Do better!