Ah'm thinkin that yon lassie at the backs face is sayin: "Some durty cunt has farted. And it wisnae me" 🤔

Jings he's awfy perspicacious yon Rishi Sunak eh 🤔

Spendin the nicht in a meditative, contemplative mood because the morra ah'm conductin a funeral oan behalf o' a very special lady and her braw faimily. Hoo blessed we are tae be loved and appreciated. Namaste 🧙🏻‍♂️🌻🙏

Guid mornin McTwitter freens. Thats ma plans for the day dashed. We wir booked tae gang oot tae an event but ah've jist received this text: 'Fortune tellers conference cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances'. 🤔

Jings we're in the Royal infirmary because wir wee dochter wha is pregnant isnae feelin affy weel. Its a guid jon ah got here when ah did and jist managed tae get ma haunds oan a coffee. It micht be a laaaaaaaaaang nicht ☕🤔

Wee dochter is noo oot the Royal and hame tae bide wae us the nicht (jist tae get spiled and tae mak siccar she's a'richt through the nicht). Onyhoo, monie grateful thanks tae a' wir braw freens wha asked efter her. Blessings tae ye lovely people. 🧙🏻‍♂️🙏🌻❤️

Guid mornin McTwitter freens. We're watching the Cycling World Championships oan the telebox. They stertit in Edinbury and they're heidin ower tae Glesca. Its braw tae see a' the castles and brigs and the Kelpies, the Falkirk Wheel the braw Saltire flags flyin. Brilliant 🚲🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

Jings ah kin honestly think o' faur better weys tae spend five hunner thoosand pounds 🤔

There. Ye'll be singin that a' nicht noo 🧙🏻‍♂️😉

Feck me . . . Hic. Ah've been in this . . Hic . . barbers for twa . . Hic . . feckin 'oors. Ah dinnae . . Hic . . even want a hair cut . . Hic . . noo 🥴

Aye . . . and Rupert the Bear wis a second cousin fower times removed 🤔

Jings . . . ah'm wonderin if she's chynged her name far 'Sophia' tae 'Nicely Trimmed' 🤔

BREAKING World famous cyclist Tadej Pogačar accepts sponsorship from Airdrie locals 🚲🚲🚲🚲🚲

Jings for a meenit there ah thocht ah wis sharin ma journey wae Buster Gonad frae the Viz 🤔

Jings ma Auntie Nellie's in some mood this mornin. Somebody has pinched a pair o' her knickers aff the washin line. She's no really bothered aboot the knickers . . . but she wants the twelve pegs back 🤔

Jings ah'm ah the only ane oan here wha has a drawer fu' o' these wee disposable cameras? Had them for feckin donkeys years and ne'er been developed 🤔

Dear Big Cheeses @ Forth Valley hospital. Ca' it 'loose chynge', 'smash' or 'coinage', very few fowk carry it nooadays. PLEASE chynge the vendie machines so they accept 'contactless'. A'body wis starvin and dee'in fae dehydration last nicht because nane o' us HAD ONY MONEY 🤔

So . . . let me get this richt. This chippie sells a variety o' fish wae sexually transmitted disease chips? 🤔

Jings ah'm wonderin if this ferm wis somewhaur near Airdrietoon 🤔

Could i please ask my Twitterverse friends to read and if poss help in any small way. This is my friends brother. My friend is lovely guy with a lovely we famalam. If you could push this round guys and see if we can help. It is also in English. X zrzutka.pl/en/njdsbb