New Gaza euphemism has dropped.
'Expanded humanitarian zone,' is another way of saying 'We're enlarging the graveyard.'

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Learn how to disagree with Hemingway while dodging his uppercut!
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Try not to be shocked by where Wilkie Collins hides his opium!
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Happy birthday to the great Sigmund Freud, who would have been 168 years penis today.

An easy way to ensure that people will say you died doing what you loved is to constantly remind everyone how much you enjoy drifting in and out of consciousness while being pumped full of morphine.

Happy birthday Karl Marx. You would have loved social media, and people explaining Marxism to you.

You can’t change the truth just by banning the media from reporting it. Murder in the dark is still murder.

Having crashed the country into a wall, Suella Braverman’s judgment is that they weren’t driving fast enough. You can’t BUY brilliance like that. #bbcnews #Kuenssberg

The last time I saw anyone as deeply in denial as Susan Hall they were being carried bodily into a rehab facility at nine in the morning while drinking vodka from a bottle and insisting they could stop any time they wanted.

It really says a lot about the kind of candidate Susan Hall was that she manages to produce less grace and dignity in defeat than the man wearing a bin on his head.

London survived the blitz, and it won't be destroyed by imaginary no-go zones, a nonexistent war on motorists, or any other bullshit from bigots. The genuine threat is from corporate greed and cynicism, and Sadiq Khan, a true Londoner, is their enemy. Congratulations, mayor.

Tory pundits right now are like the owners of the Titanic pointing out that some of the passengers survived.

TORY MEDIA: Not such a bad result for the Tories.
EVERYONE ELSE: Are you crazy? They lost hugely.
TORY MEDIA: It could have been worse.
EVERYONE ELSE: Voters hate them.
TORY MEDIA: Elections can’t really gauge the mood of voters. For that, you need the tory media.

May the fortitude to ignore today’s date be with you.

If you’re happy and you know it, go to bed. Quit while you’re ahead.

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Weird how the people who say that peaceful protest is fine but disruption is unacceptable are always the same people who totally ignore peaceful protest.

'A disappointing result? Not at all,' claimed Sauron, speaking from the smoking ruins of Mordor, 'in fact it sends a clear message that we must continue to focus on our priorities for the people of Middle Earth and deliver on our goals of evil, depravity, and stopping the boats.'

BREAKING: exit polls suggest that Reform UK voters have delivered a clear message in today’s elections by eating all the pencils.

After you’ve voted, make your way out of the booth with some groovy, rhythmic moves. Tell them you’re poll dancing.

Amuse election officials at your polling station by emerging from your voting booth with no trousers on and asking if they have any other candidates that might fit you.