Gonna tell my kids this was Nelson Mandela

!!!!

I'm 100% sure the most YouTubed video right now is "gift wrapping tutorial"

Prediction: #Weinsteindidntkillhimself will be trending by Sunday

So does this make #AuntJemima the last American slave to be granted her freedom?

I just killed a spider so big it felt like I was committing manslaughter

Halloween is gonna be risky af. At least everyone will be wearing masks...

I'm watching #SundayNightFootball. There’s no audience at this #nfl game but some how the referees are still getting booed.

Every time my wife sends me to the grocery store to pick up lime, I can never remember what it looks like and have to Google an image so I don't accidentally pick up a lemon. And I'm okay with that. Come at me haters

Is anybody else hearing the Mandolorian theme song in there head, every day when they wake up in the morning? Just me? Okay...

Watching the crowd celebrate together at the Cleveland Browns game is super gross

Im going through "Historical Events Fatigue". Anyone else ready for a couple of uninteresting years of complete mediocrity?

If this was the "24" universe, Jack Bauer would have beheaded Trump 2 seasons ago

Lost an hour this morning. It must be "Darkness Giving" time

I'm on set chilling in a sketchy garage. Just found out my co-star has a trailer and I do not. My co-star is a cat...

Summer is just around the corner. As every season get hotter, the real question on everyone's mind is: how the fuck do you take that first hit of slushy without getting brain freeze?

Shameless celebrity call out attempt 1: Ryan Reynolds word is you're a Canuck. If true get your Greenpool ass down to Unknown Theater and support live Canadian Comedy! eventbrite.com/e/the-unknown-…

This Friday Unknown Theater presents one of Canada’s best Christophe Davidson with opening act DeAnne Smith tickets are already moving fast. Don't hesitate, get yours now! eventbrite.com/e/145983158557

I was just on hold with Bell for 2 hours and got hung up on 4 times. I guess the whole #BellLetsTalk thing is over?

Comedy Night in the Metaverse is back on July 25th, 9pm EST at the Unknown Theater in Horizon Worlds!