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Why would you pay $80 for a bra at Victoria's Secret when I can hold your boobs up all day for free.

I don't have a short temper, I just have a quick reaction to bullshit.

$250 dollars for a Drake ticket? Just hold on we're staying home

Every pretty girl has an ugly friend. If you don't have one then you must be the ugly friend.

I don't always talk to people with swag, But when i do... I ask for large fries.

Stop putting "TeamSingle'' after every tweet . Single is not a team. You are ALONE !

I know 3 things on my test: 1. Name 2. Class 3. Date.

I love my relationship with my bed. No commitment needed. We just sleep together every night.

smiling at the bitch who hates you

When people ignore my text message(҂`_´) <,︻╦̵̵̿╤─ ҉ - - - - - - - \ \ ,/﹋╯

Some people just need a hug... around their neck... with a rope.

I must have a great butt, because every time I finish talking to someone and start to walk away. I hear them whisper "What an Ass"

never give up on your dreams keep sleeping

Shout Out to the Chicks that say, "So what are we now?" After Fucking on the First Date... Bitch we just Fuckin!

Teacher: Now I want you to fold your paper lengthwise. Me: Bitch, Hamburger or Hotdog?

That very sad moment of heartbreak when your pet jumps off your bed and leaves the room.

Spongebob: "Can you hear me?" Patrick:"No, it's too dark."

Me in 7th grade: unattractive, socially awkward loser. Me now: unattractive, socially awkward loser with good taste in music.

*Kendrick Lamar reading at an elementary school* "Jack be nimble, Jack be quick..." *dramatic pause*"GIRL I KNOW U WANT THIS DICK"

American presidents: ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☻