Why do people think it is offensive when men call girls ‘fitties’, but no one finds it offensive when girls call men ‘hotties’?

I wouldn’t mind if a fittie called me a hottie, but I’d have to keep what I thought of her to myself. Fair? Don’t think so.

.Penny Hardie I imagine you are a very modern lady.

.Süder'Coddle' Viking The only impression I can do is of Bill Turnbull.

.@HenReilly1 Who? The fellow behind you? I'm afraid I don't know him.

.@MsPolyethylene I beg to differ. waitrose.com/bf_home/bf/706…

. @HenReilly1 Are you talking about the recent planning application for the Trollin estate near Wokingham? Alan is dealing with that one.

After yesterdays very successful National Umbrella Day today is just an ordinary day I'm afraid but tomorrow is " Unusual Shaped Onion Day"

I have tried a couple more drink recipes including the Teacano and Chocostrone wp.me/p3Uy1g-2F

Still need a tuxedo. Phoned a local place called Moss Bros. They want more than a hundred pounds to hire one.

How much do you normally have to pay to hire a suit? I thought it would be like - forty quid tops.

What do they think’s gonna happen? Gonna get blood all over it or something?!

Alan keeps banging on about ‘white tie’. Why’s he got a white tie? What makes him so special?

Oh lordy, almost forgot - last night I found this, the personal website of one Philip Bourne! wp.me/p3Uy1g-2R

Ridiculous: first SP doesn’t turn up to the launch at all, then he turns up late, dressed in some sort of onesie.

I decided to tell SP all about the dossier I've been making. I think I have all I need to take him down. thenoeltruth.co.uk/2013/10/29/my-…

@HenReilly1 What are your key skills?

Well, it happened. Someone has got into a lot of trouble over the SP dossier. Unfortunately, it was not SP. It is me.

Apparently I have been spending too much ‘office time’ videoing colleagues and trying to bring one of them down.

I have been told I have to shut it down. Shut it all down. Which I am going to have to do. Right now. I’m doing it. In three, two,