It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss it.

Work is a necessary evil to be avoided.

Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.

I can live for two months on a good compliment.

Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.

Let us make a special effort to stop communicating with each other, so we can have some conversation.

To refuse awards is another way of accepting them with more noise than is normal.

I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up.

In the Spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside of 24 hours.

Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand.

I've never let my school interfere with my education.

It is not best that we should all think alike; it is a difference of opinion that makes horse races.

A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar.

The Public is merely a multiplied "me."

I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.

Golf is a good walk spoiled.

Lord save us all from a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms.

Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.

We Americans... bear the ark of liberties of the world.

When red-haired people are above a certain social grade their hair is auburn.