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Didn’t know how much I wanted Nick Nolte to play Phil Tippet. Thanks Rian Johnson !

Brand advertising needs to get hit with an asteroid

This is kitty litter

Building a time machine and going back to when my son was born so I can call him Vladimir Poopin’

They shouldn't call work "work" they should call work "meetings" because at "work" all I do is have meetings and then after "work" I get to do work

Woah. A mother in Nashville just took over a live stream on Fox News to call out Republicans’ opposition to gun reform. (h/t Aaron Rupar)

I found a flower in my pocket because my son put a flower in my pocket. Kids are wonderful. And also I'm wearing the same pants as yesterday.

Fun Fact: Every single state that voted for Donald Trump in 2020 receives more money from the federal government than they contribute to the federal government. Happy Red Welfare States Day to all those who take and celebrate.

From that time we did a Star War. May the 4th be with all of you. wes - inactive follow me elsewhere Amy Ratcliffe Emily

Hey honey? I’m gonna unload the dishwasher so I can load the dishwasher so I can unload the dishwasher so I can load the dishwasher so I can unload the dishwasher so I can load the dishwasher so I can unload the dishwasher so I can load the dishwasher so I can unload the dishwa

And a special thanks to Patton Oswalt for letting us get home at a reasonable enough time to watch Succession. 🕷️

Oh, just a GIANT FUCKING SPIDER descending onto my head last night at the Largo at the Coronet during my opening set.

Teacher says, "every time you two factor authenticate your log in credentials for Microsoft Teams, triggering an Okta Verify alert with a series of additional log in protocols to ensure you safely gain access to your work email about timesheets, an angel gets its wings!"

Boycotting my boycott of Chick Fil A so the boycotting conservative nuts don’t think I was boycotting Chick Fil A for the same reasons they’re now boycotting Chick Fil A

The end of Fight Club but it’s me blowing up the Okta Verify offices

we all got a little Barbie in us (the microplastics)

In the multiverse, a champion hotdog just ate 62 Joey Chestnuts

Which beer would you want to get a president with?

Washington Redwolves. Josh Harris, Earvin Magic Johnson, Washington Commanders if rebrand 2.0 happens, someone local with global branding and design experience needs a shot this time. hiregonzo.com. #HTTC R logo: Bryan Flynn Number stitch inspo: DeanJ6 Colors: Blood Burgrundy/Gold

Brb. Going to take this and turn it into a horror comedy starring Patton Oswalt