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MS Teams update: reminder that turning off camera does not turn off microphone "Kathy... KATHY YOUR MICROPHONE IS ON.. WE CAN HEAR YOU STRAINING ON THE BOG KATHY! SWEET JESUS KATHY CLOSE THE DOOR!

Imagine Morgan Freeman voicing Yoda... Yep, common for your brain to melt.

"Rescued" a double choc Belgian fudge cake from Morrisons. Into the freezer it goes, before midnight fatty breaks and goes at it with a fish slice.

People who aren't guilty, don't apologise.

Can we just take a moment to agree the word "once" is weird.

The sun's out so it's triggered my wanting to hug people to death (JohnnyHug©) DutchBitch™ 💫 Josie George Andrea whatsthepoint Botty You may be at risk.

Sunday

Ever sat on the toilet so long that you need the toilet again?

Nigella lawson is just a shaved Russel Brand? Change my mind.

🎵What a difference 10 degrees makes... Swapping shorts for thick trousers... 🎶

Come with meeee and you'll seeeee a world of pure evisceration....

Can't be arsed. Can you be arsed? Honestly, who can be arsed? #ArseGate

If you've gone off panic buying fuel, realise that you are exactly the same as the bog roll buyers of 2020

You've got a face like a sack of crabs that's been on the middle of the M1 for half an hour.

The greatest mistery of modern times is how asda have just sold me Iceland brioche. Caused confusion at checkout, but put through as BABABBB by helpful staff. Did wonder why they only had one pack in...

Lolz