Actually worst case scenario it becomes something I need to finish

If someone says "oh no thank you, I only do that at night" I feel judged. Time is a social construct hit this weed you goon

Ugh just woke up so sad that I wasted all of my last time being asleep. I WANT TO BE AWAKE TO DO NOTHING

My momma's gotta let me be me, man!!!!!!!

Taking a pretty long hit and looking in the mirror like "yeah things are looking up for you girl"

Imagine being so obsessed w me that you know who friends of my high school boyfriends are even & approach them at parties just to talk ab me

What does going around calling me crazy do? You don't even tell the story right, you're not supposed to tell them you instigated fights

Anyway being like "Lila's crazy!" And??? So?? Then stay away from me like am I missing something?

A lot of my jokes rely heavily on me having a airhorn, which I do not.

Screamed "I didn't mean to!" at Pandora to get back the song I skipped but I guess they're still not admitting to listening to us 🙃

U can sit there & agonize how to write a shopping list literal enough for a man and they'll still find a way to be weird about it like why

A man just said "don't censor me" when I asked him not to comment on my body truly I have seen the devil

I don't have an inspiring story I'm just sick of this shit #ifyoucanttipstayhome

Local Toddler Who's A Bartender Goes Ballistic After Finding Out Imaginary Friend Doesn't Tip #ifyoucanttipstayhome

If you see a car getting pulled over, they have all the bad energy for the week and your week will be good. But be careful cause speed trap

If you wear your ex's clothes and sometimes that involves snot, you won?

Abuse tells you no one else would love you, and love knows you're a catch

Ohhh the gnats are from the pants I pooped in, wadded up, and forgot about for three months

Watching a cat throw up like yeah me too. Now mash it down the sink

It happened so fast I'm suspicious I did nothing! Thank you 🙌 x.com/albusbrooksd9/…