he grabbed the mug and took a sip of it, smacking his lips afterward. this was far better than any coffee he’s ever made before. “…thank you. for taking care of me. and sorry for messing up your bushes.”

“that’s good, i guess. glad i gave you a real reason to do it, then.” he teased, softly bouncing his leg as he sipped on that coffee, letting out a sigh. his headache was slowly disappearing.

“ah, that’s right. i think you told me that when you first moved in, but i..uh..forgot. i’m bojack. horseman, obviously. i’m famous.”

it’s been a while since he’s bottomed…

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀ “𝙏𝙃𝙀 𝙔𝙊𝙐𝙉𝙂-𝙄𝙉𝙎 𝙈𝙐𝙎𝙏 𝘽𝙀 𝙁𝙀𝘿!” ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ [🍖]

“…really? out of all things on television, you got Horsin’ Around?” he’d ask, a very puzzled expression on his face. there was no way that was true. …oh, shit. he noticed the hand on his thigh. dontgetharddontgethard—

“…really? you think so?” shit, he was wearing nothing but his boxers so if he got hard it would be so obvious. “i mean, i wore the same sweater every episode, surely you got tired of it!”

his entire body tensed up. yes, his penis was touched a lot — like, A LOT — but he’d never felt this way before. nervous..but also excited? “..woah, uh— w-well, there’s one episode where i get shirtless, but they had to pull it because the kids got scared.” he’s rambling.

groaning, his vision slowly focusing on the random stranger in his house— “OH MY GOD—“

breathing heavily… …and shit, now he’s getting hard. very prominently bulging out his tiny boxers. “…shit.”

“…how the hell did you get in my house? why do random people just keep walking into my house? do i not lock the doors?!” he said, sitting up and rubbing his head..god, he’s tired. and hungover.

“…no, you’re not— don’t worry. sorry. i just— have a really bad headache. a bath sounds really nice. thank you.” he’s working on being nicer.

“those are very clever puns, but they’re not helping my hard on at all. also, i’ve never won an oscar. never even been nominated.” he has won a golden globe though! “j-just..do something about it—“

who wants to join him for dinner? he’s going to the best place in town…aka the restaurant he owns.

sorry he disappeared. he’s been hungover.

god, he’s horny. and like, actually horny this time. his left hand ain’t doing it for him anymore.

sorry he disappeared. again. don’t ask why.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ❝𝒅𝒐𝒏’𝒕 𝒎𝒂𝒌𝒆 𝒎𝒆 𝒃𝒍𝒐𝒘 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒉𝒊𝒔𝒕𝒍𝒆!❞ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ [🛟🦈]