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Nooryana Najib urges prison reform, says poor are disproportionately penalised in prisons. "I now have first hand experience from this inequality." says the activist. "Why hasn't any politicians look into this?"

An unamed Prince from the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia has donated 2,600 packets of latest designer innovator drug Fukitol™ from France to former PM and convict Najib Razak to treat his severe hypertension, and allergies towards standard medication used by poor Malaysians.

Tan Sri Muhammad Shafee Abdullah was visibly upset today about the delivery of Najib's medical supplies to Kajang Prison. "Dato Seri Najib's medicines were badly mishandled by a chinese Lalamove driver." says the senior lawyer.

PM Ismail Sabri assures that the flood will be delayed to January if general elections is to be held in November & December. "The caretaker government may need the government machinery for campaigning, hence the flood cannot happen at the same time." Says the Bera MP, in Hermes

Health Minister Khairy Jamaluddin 🇲🇾🌺 denies contesting Rembau seat under MUDA. The MP says he has been told to make way for Umno deputy, but admits that there isn't enough time to change his skin if the PM calls for snap elections in November.

"Expect call scammers to end for good." says PM Ismail Sabri as Barisan Nasional signs deal to hire an overseas call center for election polling in preparation for GE15. "They have all your information, we will use them for PRU. No more scamming."

IGP Acryilic Sana says thats anyone who posts or submits negative public reviews of Mat Kilau (recently on Netflix) will be brought in for investigation, for waging war.

PM Ismail Sabri says that having GE15 during a flood is good as voters can gauge the sincerity & capacities of their calons in action. "I’ll also allocate RM20 mil for all UMNO candidates to help with the flood." says the Bera MP. "Let's see how much the opposition can give."

The domestic pigeon (Columba livia rustica) has been officially designated the state bird of Pahang.

Lawyer Shafee Abdullah is requesting the Kajang Prison to grant Najib Razak to conduct his physiotherapy at home until he is fully recovered, as his therapy specially requires Rosmah Mansor as spotter.

Former PM Najib Razak cleared to visit №76 at Starhill Gallery for his non generic haircut this weekend, escorted by security details.

After cases dropped, UMNO President Ahmad Zahid Hamidi told reporters that GE15 can be postponed to next year to avoid the monsoon. "We care about the rakyat." says the happy man.

Defense Minister Hishammuddin Hussein 🇲🇾 warns Russia & Putin not to take any provocative actions that may escalate the tension in Ukraine. "Malaysia will not stand by and do nothing." he said. "Our battleships are put on high alert to retaliate against Russia, China at any given time"

Former MDEC chairman Dr. Dr. Rais Hussin quits to Bersatu, joins MCA.

Ministry of Science, Technology & Innovation (MOSTI) to develop first-in-the world platform to allow convicted MPs to attend Parliamentary sittings from the comfort of their prison cell, says minister Dr Adham Baba "We will install the systems at Kajang and Sg. Buloh."

Convict Najib Razak to visit his constituents and attend parliamentary sittings in the metaverse using VR headset, says speaker Art Harun. "We have downloaded some apps for him to be with Rosmah in the later evenings, too. However he rejected."

Julau MP Larry Sng has applied for full memberships to MCA, Gerakan, SUPP, BERSATU, PSB, PRS, PDP, PKR, DAP, MUDA, PSM, WARISAN and UPKO, while being the Co-President of Parti Bangsa Malaysia (PBM), as of 11:59pm yesterday.

Nooryana Najib has settled her RM10.3mil taxes with LHDN, according to her lawyer. "She had to sell her Cartier diamond bracelet, a gift from her father upon finishing her unpaid internship. A truly terrible punishment and suffering for someone like herself."

Tan Sri Acryl Sani says that Jho Low's name has been removed from Interpol's Red Notice to "trick" him to come home. "We the police are very smart people, you see." says the IGP to media. "When he knows he is not in the list anymore he will come back, then we arrest him at KLIA."

Zahid seeks the court to postpone his trials on charges of money laundering and criminal breach of trust (CBT) involving millions from Yayasan Akalbudi due to the upcoming flood season. "The highway from his residence to the courts are flood prone areas." says his lawyer.