Learned what a Labubu is today. Thought I was tapping out on pop culture knowledge when I learned who Timothee Chalamett was, but I think I’ve finally settled and decided I’m just gunna be old now.

Don’t worry guys, the people who flew to that pedophile’s sex slave island have assured us that it actually didn’t exist. Everything is perfectly fine. 👍 Nothing ever happens. So it goes.

Blasting YouTube videos at full volume at 2:30am and my wife is pissed because she has to wake up in 4 hours for something called “work.” Idk what that shit is but it sound gay as fuck lol

These couple of weeks at the end of June and beginning of July when the sun sets at like 10pm get my pussy soaking wet.

Why does every left-wing dude look the fucking same? It’s so fucking weird.

I shaved my balls for THIS??

Blind-firing under the bed in case there are any monsters under there.

“Look on my Works, ye Mighty, and despair!”- a very important guy who will be remembered eternally

I can’t wait until they invent a meal prep that isn’t just 7 days worth of ground beef and rice.

Had a dream last night I was playing Uno at a casino and I was freaking out because I didn't know what to do since this was my last card:

lol this fuckin guy

Pre-destined to be rad because I’m the genetic result of people who left Europe 400 years ago because it was gay as fuck on a journey they very well could have died on to land in the wilderness to shoot Indians, become subsistence farmers, and avoid paying taxes.

“Pay us what we deserve” Okay WNBA players. I’m gunna guess you’ll hate getting paid $0. If any WNBA players can physically beat me in a fight I will personally pay the salary of a coal miner who has a real job.

Like 75% of the population coughs with their mouth open, drives 5 under the speed limit, and lacks an internal monologue. Honest and curt opinion as I sit in this airport- we should gas them.

Two things: 1) Turns out you can hire an Uber driver for a 2 and a half hour drive 2) This Somalian man can drive a Subaru Impreza fast as fuck and I’m about it

Snorting gas station boner pills in the parking lot