You can tell how good an Australian film's going to be based on how much the narrator mumbles.

I don't think I'd be great at MMA but confident I would excel at the hugging on the cage walls thing they do.

Magic is a hobby that looks sadder the better you get at it.

When god made the stars do you think he realised how racist the southern cross would turn out?

Good Call: Dr. Seuss’ Estate Just Discovered—And Promptly Destroyed—A Letter Where The Author Reveals Which Race The Grinch Was Meant To Be clckhl.co/SteYN8S

Bloody Disney buying everything.

My UFC tale of the tape bio would be: ● Leg kicks ● Attempts tackles ● Work- shy

Michael Jackson sure spends a lot of time asking Annie if she's okay but not a lot of time contacting medical assistance.

Heartbreaking: Soldier Returning Home From Afghanistan Completely Overshadowed By Other Family Member Returning Home From Adult Video Store clckhl.co/bt7sdJG

If you look up the word "nerd" in a dictionary you'll find a picture of you because who even owns a dictionary anymore you nerd virgin.

Step 1: Female Ghostbusters Step 2: Female Doctor Who Step 3: Female Colonel Sanders Step 4: They're coming to your town and they're cutting everybody's dicks off.

Looking for work and found out Lululemon classifies their retail workers as "educators"

There is no greater example of high risk/high reward than trying to rub a cat's belly

Imagine being the genius who came up with "hello ladies and germs" and then watching it get butchered by generations of children.

Deadpool memes are just Minions memes for a different demographic

Huge show this week bbs get around it! Prebook here - trybooking.com/book/event?eid… Eric Hutton @BenEllwood11 @jbcomedy Dave Hennig @LizzyHoo11 Arnold Luichareonkit + heaps more! Show starts 7pm at Staves Brewery.

I bet a lot of you vultures wishing Steven Hawking well weren't even that close with him