Friend: "OMG! A cockroach!" Me: "Dude, chill it`s just a cockroach." *Roach opens its wings* Me: "Run bitch, run!"

Son : "this is pointless" Dad: " no son, circles are pointless"

I've forgotten what it's like to have a normal sleeping pattern..

is going to jail, directly to jail. he is not passing go. he is not collecting $200.