I wonder if I’m the only one that has that irrational internal dialogue when my Apple Watch dies mid workout if it’s even worth finishing the workout.

*My 3yo daughter joined me in the gym for a workout. She was making a strange noise that sounded like a hybrid between sneezing and grunting...* Me: Why are you making that noise? 3yo: I’m working out. Me: ... Me: Wait... Is that what I sound like? 3yo: Yeah Me: 😒😐

*takes enormous bite of food* Immediately, a coworker asks: what are you eating? It smells good. Awkwardly stare at each other while I chew for the subsequent 15 seconds before I can respond like:

I was shredding some Lamb of God on my guitar. My daughter walks over and unplugs the cable from my guitars. Stares me in the face and says, “Stop. Playing. That. Noise.” I still have some work to do with her. 🤘🏼😂

Everyone likes to poke fun at the guy that’s “neurotic” about organization until it’s time to find something…

Wife: Bryar, no more marshmallows. 3 YO Daughter: Okaaaay…. … 3 YO: I’m going to show you something. Want to see my trick? Wife: What’s the trick? 3 YO: It’s called “How to eat marshmallows.”

When I come out of the bedroom dressed for the wedding and my wife hits me with the “You’re wearing the wrong shirt.”

My lunch today. I am 12.

Me: Hey poopy pants. 3yo daughter: Hey dad. I just pooped. Me: I know. That’s why I called you poopy pants. 3yo: I’m not a poopy pants. I’m just a human.

Next year for sure 👌🏼

My most visited place of last year: OpenAcademics Academic Chatter™ #academictwitter

For real though. 😂🤣

4 year old daughter: *cradling her kitten like a baby* Look how cute my kitty is! Me: Aren’t you supposed to be eating? 4yo: He’s too cute to eat! Me: I don’t follow your logic. 4yo: I follow my logic. Me:

My 3yo daughter dropped some food on the floor and got it before counting to five. She comes up and says, "Whoo! That was close. Almost had to switch to the ten-second rule." #ifykyk

Want to win a piece of #MLBatFieldofDreams? RT and you could take home a game-used base!

Me: Hey, do you think I can lift that? *gestures to barbell* 4yo daughter: No, I don’t. Me: *lifts it and celebrates in her face accordingly*

I’m gonna give 10 random people that repost this and follow me $25,000 for fun (the $250,000 my X video made) I’ll pick the winners in 72 hours