We here at PFF would like to apologize for the below tweet. These ratings are innaccurate. The official ratings will be 0's for all Steelers players and coaching staff for the horrendous "game" against the Bengals.

We here at PFF spot no lies in this post.

Yeah, okay, but Myles Garrett is still better because TJ Watt never gets double teamed or held, ever.

We here at PFF would like to state that in fact, our algorithm is the only way you should think about stats, and therefore a player. If our stats say Myles Garrett is better, Myles Garrett is better. Watt may lead the league in sacks and FF for an EDGE player, but THE ALGORITHM!

We here at PFF believe that despite Garrett having a worse season than the AP 2022 Defensive Player of the Year TJ Watt, Garrett is the better player. We base this analysis solely on the fact that Garrett does not play for the Pittsburgh Steelers, and is therefore better.

We here at PFF have made the tough decision of removing 2 of TJ Watt's career sacks from our stat books, so that we don't have to admit that he's the best EDGE rusher in the league.

Our guess here at PFF is that neck girth is related to 2nd year success.

Around the 4 minute mark, it is alleged that players can pay PFF to inflate their numbers. We here at PFF would like to assure you that we will DM you our cashapp if you're unhappy with your PFF numbers. Our algorithm is just buying Cris Colinsworth 4 whiskeys at the bar anyway.

We here at PFF wanted to start the season off right by ignoring every Steelers player who contributed to a 5-turnover game against the AFC Champs - including Minkah, who had a pick 6, a PAT block, and allowed just 2 receptions all game to his side of the field.

We here at PFF have officially given up trying to make it look like we know what we're talking about.

We here at PFF would like to remind everyone that we have a billion dollar algorithm that completely ignores Passer Ratings and number of TDs/INTs thrown.we feel the same way about yards and completions. We here at PFF only care about our favorites being #1 every week.

We here at PFF have an upcoming Dynasty Fantasy Football draft, and need help choosing our team, so we've decided to crowdsource those decisions to you.

We here at PFF just kind of forgot that TJ Watt exists since he got hurt last year. The fact that he tied the NFL single-season sack record and won DPOY in 2021 slipped our mind, and led us to name Mykes Garrett the #1 edge defender going into 2023.

We here at PFF would like to remind you that just because one player clearly played better than the other, does not mean that they will score better. You see, we have this Billion Dollar algorithm that we plug each play into, and it does the math, and outputs the best rage bait.

We here at PFF would like to say that none of these stats actually matter, because despite TJ Watt actually impacting the game repeatedly, Garrett was double teamed 4% of the time more than Watt, and will therefore recieve a higher PFF grade.

We here at PFF would like to remind you that since TJ Watt only leads Garret and Parsons inobjective stats like Sacks, Tackles, Solo, TFL, INTs, FF, TDs, and PDs, he is clearly a tier below the two EDGE Rushers who clear him in Pass Rush Win Rate, a stat we subjectively evaluate.

We here at PFF would like to remind you that our Billion Dollar Algorithm knows much more than any coach or talent scout could ever hope to. And just because we accept money from players to raise PFF scores, doesn't mean our work is all a sham. Shame on you, JJ.