#FireBoone

Just found a tenner in my winter coat. PRAISE THE ONE TRUE CHRISTIAN GOD

Catch me BRICKED TF UP in a theater near you

Horny even on Thanksgiving. When will I be rid of this dirty curse? Some days I have more questions than answers

If your boyfriend covers his ears when a subway goes by you’re single

When I’m broke I’ll suck each wing for 35 minutes

Sometimes I be happy, sometimes I be sad #life

Tallest guy on the elevator (again)

My favorite part of eating Chipotle is pretending that the steak is remotely edible

I’m trying to get the sloppiest top of the Statcast era

Cab driver: “Is this good here?” Me: “Nothing matters”

Either Armie Hammer is on this 6 train or I’m attracted to a random man

I have a fever but I’m still going to go on this date

Put her back 😔😢

How to tell a girl “if the Yankees win we’re going to Cabo but if the Yankees lose we’re done”

How sad that the ONCE GREAT New York Yankees refuse to move on from Puny Boonie and the Far Left (FAR TOO POWERFUL) analytics department. I know the Yankees probably better than anyone and the late great George Steinbrenner, a FRIEND of mine, would never have let this happen!

Barbosa / Silva decision just showed why it’s a flawed sport #UFC319

I’m tryna get swallowed up in the backfield if you know what I’m talm bout

iran from commitment with u 💔