Why are Scandinavian girls so good looking? Because the Vikings didn't take the ugly ones.

"I was at the beach with my young son when a beautiful, buxom brunette in a bikini walked by." He exclaimed, "Wow, look at her!". I told him, "son, It's not polite to point like that in public. Next time, use your finger." #sickipedia

I once hooked up with a Japanese porn star... ...but it was a total blur. #sickipedia

I remember the first time I made love to my wife and I asked her: "Am I the first one?" She said: "Why does everyone always ask me that?" #sickipedia

I went to meet this bird i had found on Tinder. As I approached her house, she open the door in her negligée. 'That's a funny place to have a door!' I thought.

I was watching countdown earlier, Rachel Riley was in a very short skirt. I got aroused. Only seven letters, but not bad for a first attempt.

The wife said she saw a fox on the way to work this morning. I said how did you know it was going to work ?

I've just been watching the England Lionesses v Sweden in the UEFA Women's Championship. Worst four seconds of my life.

This is the funeral of late Indian army soldier Hilal Ahmed who was abducted by terrorist last night. He is our hero They made burhan funeral viral, Can we make his last rites video viral. Soldier deserves our respect. Jai Hind 🇮🇳

"Copper nitrate" What the police earn after 11pm.

I call my favorite sexual position the 'WOW'. It's when I flip your MOM over. #sickipedia

Elon Musk shocked the world by blocking Pride on X Forever, saying, "Children must come first." Not in my bedroom.

My wife called to tell me she saw a fox on the way to work. I asked her how she knew it was on its way to work. She hung up on me. #sickipedia

I went to a bar today and ordered a White Russian. They gave me a picture of Donald Trump.

Loads of non binary people have gone prospecting. They've heard that there's gold in them/their hills.

36 years on from hillsborough, and those scouse cunts still love a game of squash

Before we split up, my ex asked: For one last time, will you indulge my leather fetishism?. I said No!. I can't be suede.