If the story of Icarus was written by Rockefeller would his wings be made out of paraffin instead of wax?

They really said “no fun allowed”

We live in such an insane world we might as well lock normal people in the sane asylum.

12 more hours in this fuckass job and i’ll be finally promoted to customer. i can’t wait!

The best feeling in the world is eating a cold pickle on a hot summer day.

My rizz is so good it could make a sex-bot take the vow of celibacy

Dear devs, Name your apps by it’s function. I thought Grindr was a social platform for people who wake up at 5AM and day trade, but instead it’s full of cocks.

If i were a doctor i would have to apologise to a lot of families. I always mistake anesthesia with euthanasia.

Once i’ll move to my own apartment my fridge will be always full … of cold air and famine.

All of you who are posting negatively about the Charlie Kirk situation are pathetic and exactly why I hate most furries. You’re completely miserable and unlikeable people. Dude always was respectful in giving his opinion and hearing out others. Wish the best for his family.

I’m not yet sure if the happenings in America are worth pulling out the popcorn for or not

It must be so hard for emos in gyms. They’re all cut, no bulk.

Femboys are becoming the new hipsters. I can’t wait for the MIT Technology review photo incident to happen again.

*tells GPT about my amazing financial ideas* GPT: “Sorry, i can’t assist you with committing crime” Robotic killjoy >:[

I wish a tv show called “PhantoMime” existed. It would be a silent horror comedy about three mimes exploring a haunted house.

Is it illegal to drive under positive influence? Like what if i was in a jolly mood from drinking a beer?

Video games about horses have two kinds of updates: mane and stable

Theoretically speaking if a medieval king played poker whilst using a modern day toilet he could perform a double royal flush.

If i were Christian i would beat my meat exclusively to the rythm of ACDC’s Highway to Hell