It's a busy day for us at the ABC.

I'll go first with this zinger about Tony Abbott directing carpark traffic after a Cats performance: "Good job he was only directing cars and not trying to herd cats!" Hahahaha! (I crack myself up) heraldsun.com.au/news/nsw/forme…

Anyone who mocks Trump is welcome at the ABC.

"Sergeant Lee Bauwens was the direct supervisor of former police constable Zachary Rolfe, who fatally shot 19-year-old Kumanjayi Walker in the remote community of Yuendumu in 2019." That's how we know he's a vile racist! Guilt by association! abc.net.au/news/2025-08-1…

It's not racist when brown people do it. This is official ABC policy.

We at the ABC will definitely not be promoting this.

Represent, sistah!

Edwina Fothergill has an IBS medical problem and you should not mock her about it! That said, can you blow out my scented candle before she comes over. We don't want any Krakatoa-like events. Also, don't forget the water heaters' pilot lights. Can't be too careful.

Because they appointed eeevil Julie Bishop as Chancellor.

Kumajayi White's father, Martin 'Isaac' Jabarula White, is charged with contravening a domestic violence order. This isn't a prosecution! This is racist persecution! abc.net.au/news/2025-08-1…

Sudden, unexpected bumper snow seasons are an expected outcome of Global Warming.

A lot of people as me: "Tarquin, is snow-skiing racist and elitist?" And I answer them by saying: yes, because you're surrounded by all-white snow and you ski down the slopes, but less so if you ski over the moguls."

A lot of people are asking us here at the ABC why we're running daily stories on SA's algal bloom. I think I can explain. You see, we've had record cold recently, record snowfalls and record rains, all of which go against the accepted principles of Climate Change. This helps.

This is robophobic.

My Asian drag queen friends, Ramen It-Holme, Su She, Terri Yaki and Edna Mame, are taking me out to a new vegan Japanese fusion restaurant tonight, For Soy and Saké's Sake. I hope they're well behaved. Last time there were some tempura tantrums.

I hope every single one of Our Proud First People people who were imprisoned for no other reason than racism between 1838 and 1931 can visit and commence healing. This should be done everywhere.

Coke Walker from Cummeragunja. These are real names, folx. Don't mock. abc.net.au/news/2025-08-1…

To be clear: they are NOT fascists even if they wear black masks, hoods and clothing, so long as they're supporting transfolx. Everyone clear? abc.net.au/news/2025-08-1…

The term 'boycott' is issuomatic because, for a start, it's a gendered term. Try 'child size-challenged bed'.

Strange bedfellows.