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this is the kinda humor i would expect approximately 1.5 people in my life to understand. they are on this app. i know you’ll see this tweet

me: lmao i saw it on twitter them: what’s your twitter me: i don’t have twitter

Answer the phone. It's officially spooky season.

OFFICIALLY SPOOKY SEASON

The biggest problem with finding another job is I don't want one

Ahh smell that in the air? The crisp smell of fragile men’s egos in the air.

my SB pick this year is the Detroit Lions. do they have the whole package? no. but they have the heart. heart > skill this year baby. #detroitVSeverybody. that being said: if the vikings take it all the way, yall know my deal with the crossroads demon paid out. #SKOL

I CANT BELIEVE FOOTBALL STARTS TOMORROW I COULD CRY

I haven't gotten out a ruler and done any research, but I bet the correlation between dudes who get upset about Taylor Swift at NFL games who also have small penises is very high.

if a woman going to a football game ruins football for you…. i think you need to do some work on yourself. go to therapy. figure that shit out.

whoever needs to hear this, taylor swift doesn’t give a fuck if you’re mad she’s at the chiefs game tonight

i know a vodka cran at arrowhead hates to see taylor coming

the new kickoff rule is so bizarre to me

help nfl you’re so real

damn Lamar Jackson is fun to watch

RAVENS ARE THE TEAM TO WATCH

I will never ever forget this moment

mall gym all machines packed in 2004 hate to see me coming

GUMBALL