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I would be a good mother, not in the sense that I want children or would be a good role model, but I drop full beverages on my apartment floor at least 2x a week and I don’t see myself getting worked up about it.

Love is Blind is so terrible and I love it so much

I’ve made the EXECUTIVE decision to relax and never worry about anything EVER please chill out Ri!!!

Abolish the hiccups!

I have made the EXECUTIVE decision to remember that I am the most important person to ME. Please prioritize yourself, Ri!!!

My Lyft driver has not said one word to me this entire drive. He is killing it.

I wanna hang with her so bad

What impresses me the most about my 27 yo self is that I carry a spare panties and shirt with me at all times. WHAT HAS SHE BEEN THROUGH

I just paid for two vodka sodas with my HSA card on accident and it went through. So I feel like I’ll probably be answering some calls on Monday? Idk what’s happens with that.

I am in an extremely weird phase of life and at no point do I know what is going to happen next. I will continue to send it. I guess.

Mouth dry, bladder full

Not sure why but slamming an espresso martini and saying “let’s get to the plant store” is exactly where I saw myself at 27

🦆 🦆 🦆

I just talked to a guy at the bar about my healthcare deductible and the mole I just shaved off my back. Ring by spring boyzzzzzzzzzz

#NewProfilePic

True, real adulthood is brainstorming New Year’s resolutions and realizing you’re just making a to-do list of things that probably should have been figured out by now

“All these horsies are hot to trot”-me 7 billion times. Learn a new trick, Ri!

I wish I could text my cat and let him know that I love him

Omg I need to tell my dentist that I have a molar that is so sharp and cuts my tongue this is a reminder to me to tell her that. I think I broke it off eating a tortilla chip, who knows

Hey guys it me since getting off Twitter or whatever this is now I’ve gotten wayyyy too serious about life! Let’s agree now to unclench a little!