Cashier: Would you like a receipt? Me: Sure, yeah. Cashier: So you can tell Tyler how much he owes you? Me: I am Tyler… Cashier: *frantically apologizes* Me: it’s a common misconception *long awkward silence* The epitome of my life.🙂

Liam Neeson fought Michael Westen because he wanted to trade $9 million for a girl when he wasn’t even being looked for as a suspect for burglary…I have questions about the motives in that movie.

Night shift is for the misfits & I absolutely love it.😌

“Where’s this bitch with my juice box?” #DailyDoseofDru

Forever grateful for our memories. I wish you nothing but true happiness. You will always have a special place in my heart.

It’s always one or the other… a) I check my bank account cause I just got paid & money is good Or… b) I don’t check my bank account cause I know there’s probably no money in it & I’m gonna keep spending & avoiding my terrible life decisions

Eye twitching exhaustion…

Just interviewed for the next nursing program on zoom, running on an hour of sleep, & not wearing pants. Fuck yeah.🤘🏼🙃

There’s some hardcore fuckery afoot with all these people tonight.

Any new music recommendations?

Soooo haunted house anyone?

Don’t ever disregard a fucking mechanic. They literally work miracles.

Dexter & Yellowstone come out the same day. Sunday’s about to be lit.

Feels like I’m running on dial up tonight…🥱😴

“Remember when…?” I’d rather not, thanks.😊

This lady just asked if I came from Mexico…yikes 🥴

I love that the waters in my car are no longer boiling…but also now they’re too cold 🥴

“Falafel” - Robin Scherbatsky

Bro…Betty White died…

Have you ever just wanted to find one single emoji & you scroll through all of them several times & can’t find it fast enough so you just say “fuck it” & change your whole response?… Asking for a friend.