In other news, I had an 18 yr old freshman throw a hissy fit today.

the children’s are all about cardi b tho... they tried to tell me she’s cooler than Bey.. 🤦🏼‍♀️

on Saturday I turned 26... two days later, I’m at the salon having my grey hair covered... might as well put me in the nursing home 👵🏼

very over this season... and there’s only way for The Bachelor to recover the franchise: next season ChrisHarrison is the bachelor and Sean Lowe is the host #makeithappen

Astros postseason is the 2nd most exciting thing that happened this year! #ForTheH

happy game day Bryan McDaniel #ForTheH

and I mean honestly someone should have told Johnny and Tara that the washed up Olympian look is just sad... they looked like characters from the Capital in the Hunger Games... #OlympicGames #FigureSkating

another school shooting today... which means another “what if?” conversation with my students tomorrow... Friends, why are we content to live in a world where it is necessary to remind my students that I would step between them and a bullet? #floridaschoolshooting #guncontrol

following the #floridaschoolshooting thread... and like I know the majority of Americans went to public high school, but I’m not sure the majority of Americans know how public high schools actually work...

1. Yes. Students can be enrolled in public school well above the age of 18. I’ve worked with 21 year old freshmen before.

1a. In Texas, to be considered a sophomore you must pass Algebra I and English I, as well as receive a minimum number of credits. So a 21yo freshman has presumably taken at least one of those course ~5 times without earning credit.

2. Arming teachers is in no way a solution to solving gun violence in schools. Teachers are champions for their students’ success at all costs. How can we be asked to set even the most monstrous of children in the sights of a scope?

3. Re: arming teachers. Many American public schools lack adequate funding to train highly qualified teachers. Who wants their taxes raised to pay for combat training for their local educators?

“I pick my boyfriends boogers all the time! You don’t do that??” ninth graders y’all... 🤦🏼‍♀️

#ArmMeWith gummy bears sold by color because this teacher just spent FOUR HOURS sorting $40 worth of gummy bears... and yes the children could have learned protein synthesis mutations with just a worksheet, but where’s the fun in that????

Me: “Headphones out, phones put away! I need your full attention- I’m needy like that!” S: “...and that’s why you’re single” you’d think the little angels would be nicer the week grades are due 🙃

One of my students told me today that she can’t pass my class because biology is too boring and she can’t stay awake. Later in the convo I asked what she wants to be when she grows up. Her answer? A nurse. Me: “Sweetie, you know that’s like biology, right??” 🤔

but the real question tonight... how many times is chrissy teigen going to look at John and ask “you really think you walk on water, don’t you?” over the next few years? #JesusChristSuperstar

I was really hoping you took care of this... I didn’t go check before I left 😬 x.com/onmymindgrapes…

y’all. how did drew barrymore go from E.T. to a crocs musical?? like what went so wrong there?