I don't always whoop, but when I do, there it is.

I just read that Courtney Thorne-Smith is getting a divorce and I'd just like her to know that I'm here for her during this difficult time here have some more wine

All bars are swim-up bars if you’re drunk enough

I talk a lot of shit for someone who doesn’t like different foods touching on my plate

Printing my upgraded reality into existence wyd.

If you're a true Southerner, you can just make a bunch of incoherent sounds and other Southerners will understand you

I want to be buried in an unmarked giant pyramid.

My dad used to travel a lot. He was always picked last at basketball.

So did they have to do any of that Top Gun Maverick maneuvering shit like in the movie or were they just on tom cruise control the whole time

You can manifest your dreams into reality merely by visualizing the steps needed to achieve them, and then doing those steps.

This Monday isn't going to ruin itself.

Sorry I mouthed “MEET ME IN THE PARKING LOT” to your screaming toddler

big trick or treat energy

I have lived long enough to know if it's an extravaganza, I don't want it.

I'm 100% against WWIII but we gotta use those things before they go bad

SentientBunnySuit🐰 Is that guy waving at you?

Just met one of my coworkers for the first time. How many minutes is it customary to wait before telling him his wolf tattoo looks like a kitty?

You can't be named a national treasure until you're at least seventy, but they let you know how you’re polling in your 50s.

SentientBunnySuit🐰 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣I tell him immediately