Me rocking up to work for the shift I volunteered to do

imagine rooting for the multi billion dollars corporation and not for the kid who found a smart way to get free slurpee

Asked Gemini to increase headphone volume and instead of saying affirmative it read out the line of code telling it to say affirmative, underscores and everything

Oomf would benefit from this

I don't understand how communism is supposed to work if you think the only people in the world who aren't evil genocidal scumbags are the several hundred people you haven't blocked yet on Twitter.

taking accutane is so funny because the packaging is like. you WILL want to kill yourself and your babies WILL be deformed and we DO NOT know how it works. good luck

no shade but i think u need to read more books

You: *visibly anxious* Um, can you make sure there's no MSG in my meal??? Me: Dear Amazon, I would like to purchase 1.75 lbs of MSG, please.

Unlucky, see you in court Brentford FC

Why aren't fines tied to inflation?

SHE DID THE MEME

I charge almost everything at work now

Why is everyone saying they'd fuck him? Let's be real here, no.

I'd like to point out the obvious. The right have been demanding tougher policing for years now - but they only want tougher policing against certain people. If they're squaring up to riot police, they expect special treatment. Go home, Gammon. Your tea's on the table.

This is how I rock up to work, everything goes on charge straight away, saves me £5 a year 😎

Left my lasagne at the post office, is life worth living anymore?

Why I decided 5pm was a good time to wash and dry my pillows I really don't know, I had the whole day 😐