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Wonders if you can hire a Lykke Li lookalikie?

Fusing monkeys and Jammie Dodgers into some kind of delicious biscuit monkey? Get out of my head Burtons!

I knew it! My Austrian accent, my love of cigars, bottom grabbing and travelling back from the future to kill John Connor. Arnie's bastard!

Donald Trump's hair was just on TV announcing its own independent Presidential bid. It's clearly used him to get to the top.

Online porn: it's watching you.

Summer working hours? An expert writes: bizgene.com/3373989/summer…

@leonardfoster Yes, yes I did say that. Although to clairfy, I was referring to the ladies. No offence, Leonard!

@leonardfoster Hmm, cars, girls, gadgets, gaming, grooming and more girls? How quick do you need?

@leonardfoster Then... I presume you have an ingenious plan?

I seem to have relocated to the heart of the sun...

New size, new shape, new look...

@YDCmag I'm disappointed with his lifesized model of Bonnie Tyler - every now and then it falls apart.

@YDCmag I was just walking through the park wondering why the frisbee was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

@YDCmag If four our of five people suffer from diarrhea, does that mean one enjoys it?

@YDCmag I've been drinking brake fluid quite a lot of late. It's alright, though, I can stop anytime I want.

@YDCmag I've got a new aftershave that smells of breadcrumbs. The birds love it.

@YDCmag I went on a date with a dolphin the other night too. Went really well. We just clicked.

@YDCmag I bought some HP sauce the other day. It's costing me 6p a month for the next 2 years

Monday, you crafty bastard!

Putting all my 140 character eggs in one Twitter basket, why not abandon me here and pick up my trail again over at PritchardMedia? Yeah.