*least jealous voice ever* actually i don't need to see the aurora borealis bc i see beauty in every living thing and every moment

Sweating, as a form of Bragging… (I’m wearing cashmere and I’m a fast walker)

Be mindful of why you were invited to… uh, the moxy?

Manspreading bc I’m wearing tight jeans and my pH is off

Peonies are just gen z hydrangeas

No more calling pants that come up to just below your belly button “low rise.” Cowards!!

Yesterday I saw a celebrity on the big screen with boobs that looked exactly like mine and I turned to my boyfriend with tears in my eyes This is why #RepresentationMatters

You’re telling me you want to stroke a genius?

Playing tower of Hanoi with the weights on the rack

me if i was in italy: ehhhh come si dice..il…. beershotcombo?

Who is behind Big African Net Sponge?

blue mascara is lowkey avante garde but you know middle school girls were putting that Estée Lauder sample awnnnn when they knew they were gonna have class with their crush that day

No roommates and feeling lonely eating pickled onions* by the forkful just to feel something *I made them

"What object was most devastating for you to lose, and how have you been coping?" Interviews from the clearing of homeless encampments in Albuquerque

bwat

Holes should be a musical

New game show segment: cancelled or cooked?

the smartest people u know are loading and unloading the dishwasher like morons… pray for them 💜

This Duane Reade smells like FARTS

Forget my freak who’s gonna match my randomness :P lawl