Janel duchess sent me a birthday card and a valentines card and some treats and extra little thoughtful gifts. THE REST OF YOU ARE A TOTAL LET DOWN.

They are 'getting our windows done' and I will 'get in the way' so I've been shoved into the luxury cat hotel. Rather they left me here, it's better here. Longcroft Cat Hotel

Someone had hacked into the account of my favourite snack. Sorry, hamster. Please report and follow their new account.

Beware of hackers. I got this message too.

How can I be so evil and yet so beautiful. I'm a bloody enigma I am. Now go away.

I get more violent with every kiss.

I caught the thing and killed the thing and now it is my thing.

Angela and Stevie are with Gary. #ImWithGary #GaryLinekar

Where the hell does she think she's going I HAVE NEEDS.

Booooooooooooored.

Any one of these would kill you in a split second. #PawsOfDoom

Watching the snooker. #CueOfDoom

I can't be doing with any of you today.

She's sorting out the eaves in the loft and I'm getting in the way. Every sigh is a victory.

What the hell does he think he's doing. #DicingWithDeath #RealMenLoveCats

I appear in unexpected locations because I am unpredictable and edgy.

I am a meme. #MemeOfDoom

No. Bad enough I have to live with you, you sad old crone. Plus, I've left Twitter YOU KNOW THIS.

Popped in to retweet this because the idiot has few followers. Aviva UK cut off the call after 2 hours without answering. She is yelling at her phone, what a weirdo.