Charles HUSSEIN Cheese

One week, our sweet prince

The aliens keep testing us, and we keep failing. They’re like — They put him in the APPRENTICE? No contact yet! They made him PRESIDENT? No contact yet! They elected him AGAIN!? And he was in HOME ALONE 2? And he sold BOOKS? And has a BOARD GAME! …let their climate change.

past 48 hours on twitter

What do cape cod Christmas lights look like?

I am preemptively upset about the bears

My nickname at work is “Captain Oblivious.” Not really sure why.

Why is zorro there?

Quinoa is entirely composed of crumbs.

Air guitarists have nothing to fret about.

chasing after a ping pong ball is wildly dehumanizing

pickles are great...until you're in one

Crazy that the Jurassic Park was so good at making dinosaurs but so bad at making fences. Like, of the two, fences are much easier.

Did you know... Frogs can jump higher than the Eiffel Tower. Because the Eiffel Tower can't jump.

I make my dog watch commercials of homeless, neglected dogs so he knows how good he's got it