I’m in charge of trying to get Jaws voted as #1 Movie of all-time, but it’s currently in 10th place. Any ideas? “We’re gonna need a bigger vote”. "Great slogan!" #LunchPun #RateMyPun

“He should be here in 10 minutes to beat me up”. That’s the estimated time of a rival. #LunchPun #RateMyPun

Created a website about butlers that fall over, but the server is down. #LunchPun #RateMyPun

I was addicted to eating small batteries, but I’ve stopped since attending AAA meetings.

My story about trains in Wales has just went via Rhyl.

I get wheezy every time I eat rice. I’m basmatic.

Left a sign on my door for the delivery driver, which said: “please leave with a neighbour”. When he arrived, he bundled Bill from next door into the back of his van and sped off! #LunchPun

Deleting all references to George Formby from my Computer. I do this when I'm cleaning Windows.

Patron Saint of copying people in on e-mails is St. Francis of a CC. #LunchPun

Took my family to a market on a ship, then bid them farewell. It was a bring and bye-bye sail. #LunchPun

Mark E. Smith once lent me £10, but I paid him back The Fall owing day. #LunchPun

Archaeologists have dedicated a piece of fossilised rope to Gloria Gaynor because first it was frayed then it was petrified! #lunchpun

I sat on an expensive kid’s toy, and I might need an operation. “Fissure Price?” “It’ll be free, as it’s the NHS”. #LunchPun

Made a cake using ingredients only available during 1837-1901. It's a Victorian Sponge.

Wanted to let my friends know when our next race is, but every time I passed them a note, they ran off to pass it to their mates. It is relay disappointing.

Easiest way to escape from a traffic jam is to teach a dog how to levitate your vehicle. He becomes a magic car pet. #LunchPun

I refuse to believe I was sacked as a sewage worker. I guess I'm still going through the motions.

Who do you think was left behind to steal the money? Muggin’s here…