If I have twin daughters, I'll name one Kate. And I'll name the other DupliKate.

You know what makes a pirate really angry? Taking away the P.

What do you call a paper airplane that can't fly? Stationary.

“You won’t have to vote anymore’

I would like to sincerely thank JD Vance for calling out childless cat ladies. Every single social feed I have is now filled w/ photos, videos and memes of cats - which is awesome. (Dogs are good too) Social media is now 1000% cuter, funnier and way less toxic. Thank you, Vance.

To all the people that always said I'd never amount to anything because of my procrastination: Just you wait...

Congratulations to Brittany Vogel Art - amazing artist, long time friend and a great human to know. ‘Hoboken Artist Brittany Vogel's 'Powerful Women' Series Continues With Kamala Harris Piece’ tapinto.net/towns/hoboken/…

When did X start sending notifications for things I don’t care about, follow, support, ever read, etc… oh, right. When Elon turned into the hellscape that it is.

I have been a leader on fertilization. How? By trying to fertilize everyone?!?

Crowd sizes! Drink!

Joe Biden - Drink!

Border Czar - drink!

Nancy Pelosi was responsible for national security? Wtf.

We’re not going back - Drink! (See? Lots of opportunities here for both candidates)

Joe Biden - Drink 3 for that last answer

Just assuring my pet that no migrants are coming to eat him. I think he believes me.

Why hasn’t she done it? (Earlier: I don’t have to talk to Vance about anything. These are my policies)