Thankyou, monzo. I thought it deserved fireworks too but wanted to come across at least a bit low-key about it

Quite humbled by thinking last night I was wiping the floor making new friend’s everywhere (whilst dressed as a lateral flow swab), only to approach my new besties in the kitchen and hear ‘oh look the swabs here’. Maybe next year will be the one x

Now on person 5 and counting of ppl who have told me I remind them of Amy from sex education 🤩 when it reaches double figures I will heavily consider buying a pet goat

🥳🤩😍
happy
birthday
To
Me
xxxx

Good morning to all but especially to the retired navy colonel now living in the room below me, who doesn’t speak any English but still managed to tell me that I am ‘afflicted with the terrible malady… of laughter’ xx

What she says : I’m fine

What she means : I keep cycling the wrong way around (strangely decorative) small town french roundabouts and I’m starting to think that it’s actually the way I’ll be leaving gods green and pleasant world

Do you guys ever have a couple of beers and then tweet about Marie le pen . Me neither x

Encouraging stuff- walked past this Marie le pen poster earlier and now it’s all been ripped off 💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯 keep going rippers xxx

You’re laughing. I’ve been forced to Re-download hinge and you’re laughing .

Like this tweet if its a bit weird and suspicious for Patrick to go on a date with someone called Barry and you think there are more subtle ways of him getting my attention.

serious q I know but if anyone knows what the average Joe can do about the universal credit cut can u pls drop me a message :))) makes me feel quite desperate!

Can’t stop thinking about this comment on a tiktok fancam of Kris Jenner. 644835 looked camp straight in the eye when they wrote this.

2nd day in a row of sitting solo in a paddling pool waiting for my mums lunch hour so i can go get an ice cream without disturbing her...turns out the saying is right and life is in fact ‘a movie’ 😆😆😆

Literally no idea where I stand on going to the club and won’t till someone tells me what Mrs Grealish 69 (balanced, mature thinker, head screwed on right) thinks of the situation

Thanking the tiktok algorithm as always for being symbiotically attached to my core interests. It learnt how powerfully into football I am now and it delivered. #blowthisup .

still in a state of shock for the pair of us that my mum walked in on me watching a clip from (peoples) princess diana's funeral on youtube this afternoon after i was radicalised from watching The Crown. Porn would have been both less embarrassing and more explainable :)

This is vv good on Mumsnet anti trans radicalisation

lux-magazine.com/article/the-ro…

As someone with a passionate belief that everyone’s tweets are ENTIRELY and at ALL times representative of the views of their employer.. huge day x