Bought a rocking chair to acclimatise to earthquakes

The person who first said that humans are actually 60% water, was burnt alive for saying it. Such were times. People joked about him "Dekha? Ye toh nahi bujha"

FULL COVER: Rs. 200 TICKET LINK: bit.ly/lineupkalineup… Catch the hottest comics in the scene every alternate Tuesday at The Habitat. Artists: Jeeya Sethi Masoom Rajwani Shashwat Maheshwari Ashutosh Gupta Pavitra Shetty Sundeep Sharma

My first stand up video is out! *gulp* youtu.be/Lbj93ZmhR0s

performing in Gurgaon and Noida this week.

Some find it difficult to eat with chopsticks, I find eating with hand more challenging. Its like eating with five chopsticks.

Performing in Bangalore with Aishwarya Mohanraj today, tomorrow and day after. Kindly come and let your friends know, Tix: goo.gl/cdc7Re

One of the perks of being a freelancer is that can go to Imagica on a Wednesday. Met an old colleague on the way back and he was like 'so how is life now?' I am like 'Its a roller coaster'.

Audience : Koi show hai kya aaj? Me : Best show hai aaj Audience : Oh Ashutosh Gupta And Pavitra Shetty on the same line up ? Must be sold out Me : Not yet *Audience is too shocked to speak* Me : Guess it's your lucky day. Chalo book your tickets fatafat and stop being lazy

This is today at That comedy club, Bandra.

Hi

The EIFFEL TOWER bit. Full video on YT - The Honeymoon Story (Indian Wedding part III). Link : youtu.be/WErKYsacZrU

My son Umar Khalid has been arrested tonight at 11:00 pm by Special Cell, Delhi Police under UAPA. Police was questioning him since 1:00 pm. He has been implicated in Delhi Riots. #StandWithUmarKhalid

Happy birthday Manan Changezi

Ek time tha, jab koi meri halki si tareef bhi kar de, toh mujhe lagta tha ab naukri mil jaayegi.

Mujhe lagta hai, agar main Virat Kohli ko achanak neend se uthakar ball dalu, toh woh out hojayega

Wah!

Taala aur Chaabi dono dimaag mein hai, beech mein bas dimaag hai.

This guy called me "darling" twice in a work conversation and I told him it made me uncomfortable. He said he called all his friends that and I'm also free to talk to him like I talk to my friends. So I said "Sunn bhain ke lode, darling mat boliyo mujhe".