my body: please. water. just plain water me: haha carbonated drink go brrrrr

We are GIVING AWAY a LAMB PC with @aftershockpcAU ! ✨️✨️✨️✨️ As a thank you to all the new Cult followers even if we're concerned about what you'll do with it if you win.🫡 ❤️Like 🔁 Retweet 👤 Be Following us for a chance to win!

"smart recommendations" is a neat tool on Spotify and everything but I propose they introduce a new feature called "dogshit recommendations" sometimes I just want to be exposed to something that is the complete opposite of whatever I've been playing lately, quality be damned

she's the only drug I'll ever need, she's my own personal pharmussy

"how long is it going to take you to finish" "don't worry, I'll cum in a jif"

I keep reading reviews of Ferrari like this but I regret to inform you Enzo Ferrari's mom really said that

me: you know what they say, a picture is worth a thousand words my professor: that still doesn't excuse you submitting a picture of John Wick for your essay on the origins of World War I

It's called the Lemonade That Kills You, Dewey. You don't want none of this shit.

Good to drive I am. Only one beer, I have had.

me every time a car stops to let me cross the street

this is how it feels to take a shot of malort

EDM is what I imagine a computer farting would sound like this is a compliment

Archibald Shittington England and Wales Census, 1901

I don't know about you but I'm pretty fucking sick and tired of this milk hotel continuing to choose neutrality in the Israel-Palestine conflict

to all my loyal fans, followers, and simps all of my shitposting will exclusively be housed on Bluesky going forward twitter sux also, I have 5 invite codes if you want one bsky.app/profile/sprakl…