sorry i can’t be normal anymore

Was in a public toilet when the door handle jiggled and I heard a voice go “babe! Is that you?”. I didn’t reply.
“…Shit!”

Since summer last year we’ve been dealing with my wife’s cancer. We’re almost done with chemo, but man have these months been hard. If you’ve been umming or ahhing about buying one of these pens, now would be a great time for me.

My boss’ 16 year old is having a police careers day followed by an army career day at her school cause apparently numbers are too low and something about it feels icky lol especially the army, going up to minors to try get them to enlist the second they’re out of school lol

I'm a curse to small youtubers... every time I subscribe, they never make another vid

Working in an office is basically

*Total silence*
Someone under their breath somewhere: shit

This dumb binch is a homeowner now

Intestines are not like link-sausage, I’m sad to report

Do you ever think about those lil lines on top of cats heads

I looked at a crappy expensive apartment today and the only thing it had going for it was that it was in a complex that used to be a mental asylum in the 1800s

My fish had 12 more bebbies... I don't know what to do with them lol

HAD TO PUT THESE TWO VOICE LINES SIDE BY SIDE AND IM FUCKING LOSING IT. THEY’RE IDENTICAL

Today YouTube did a thing to me where if I clicked into a different tab while an ad was playing, it would pause the ad, until I clicked back and unpaused, making me have to watch the entire thing.

rafah is being bombed right now. israel is using the oscars as a distraction for the murder of innocent people in what they thought was the safe zone.

Today at work I said “Oogle boogle” as a cuss word. Oogle Boogle.

Kurt Coo-Bain been sitting in our courtyard for 36 hours.

Now Pequod into her new tank!! She’s so pretty 🥺