Imagine dating a magician an he cums in you and you’re like where’s the cum and he’s like check your ears

those who can’t, teach — I thought everyone knew this!

Well enjoy your weekend folks

lk this is exactly the kind of record that sabrina carpenter thought shewas making

to be clear, I *am* sexually available to married straight men. it doesn’t count as cheating if you’re not the same sexuality

the only thing standing between me and true hunkdom is the sheer volume of intelligence radiating out from behind my eyes smh

that video of the zoomers dancing to Northern Soul got me fucked up. now I been up 48 hours grinding on dexys whilst moonstomping to Frankie Valli 45s on repeat. I’m gonna cash in my 401k and buy a Vespa, as soon as I find the perfect scarf to match.

agree do you of this post!

2026 will be the year of the twinkdad

unrape my heart

cut out the middleman and just have your friend’s husband send it to you direct

sometimes in san francisco we have parrots

Father have you not heard of boipussy

just saw a bumper sticker that said “REAL wiccans drive SUBARUS” and while I had never thought about it before, I instantly knew that sticker was absolutely right

GM BRO💥 happy friday

ayo girl let me boost your vocal range😏

thinking about purchasing a can of peanuts for my nightstand