Do peoples' Apple Watches just shit it's pants when they run a marathon??

this is what watching succession on succession sundays felt like

At this point, every girl I went to high school with has been pregnant for years.

i fell into a Burger King deep fryer i turned brown brown brown medical help was required and it burns burns burns that BK fryer that BK fryer

Behind every powerful woman is Tony Hale holding her bag.

Same vibes

I gotta stop getting high. Last night I spent 2 hours wondering how they get cars to the island of Hawaii.

Do celebrities get diarrhea? Can’t imagine Zendaya experiencing what I’m going through right now

Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy…but a single full time job should be enough to live on, so unionize, maybe

my 2024 debate drinking game, enjoy:

Give them both a pdf, first one that can rotate it gets to be president

We’re cooked

You are currently president

This country has never been more divided.

GET HIGH AND WATCH DRESSAGE. DO IT NOW. 🐎

Seen at SXSW Festival, Sarah Perry is coming to Helium for one night only! 🎟️ August 14 🎟️ Get tickets now: st-louis.heliumcomedy.com/shows/271957

We <3 @sperrycomedy (and her ma, Tina!) Check her out tonight at Helium!!

Guy with no rearview mirrors: "I don't like looking at my past, man. Even if it is a car crash I caused."

You’d think this scene alone would get it an R but what do I know

Mom, people on Twitter are discovering Jewish is an ethnicity again