if I don't get these for my birthday (5/20) I'm going to curse the sun

fucking the thaumaturge for thaumaturgy

stop indicating a recession you're scaring the hoes

I hope this email finds you before I do 🙂

I'm a victim of workplace sensual harassment

I just received belated birthday gift 🖤 from Anonymous via Throne. Thank you! throne.com/jizzwitch #Wishlist #Throne

who wants to come eat this discarded string cheese at my feet

when the paypig I haven't talked to in 2 years suddenly sends me a fee for every time he's jacked off to a particular photo of me in yoga shorts:

if you've ever said "mommy? sorry" to me you owe me a mother's day gift

good news: I got these for my birthday today

astrally traveling to fart on my enemy's pillow

if you wanna buy me business class airfare to Delhi hmu

he's sucking toes with a linen napkin draped over his head like a french gourmand eating ortolan to hide his shame from god

I have to be the most blasphemous pre-raphaelite bitch at the function for some reason

relationship anarchy? no, I said relationship monarchy

accidentally clicked the "for you" feed and was rewarded with a feed filled only with my own tweets. you really get me elon

"are you a top or a bottom?" neither, I just get the job done

getting workplace accommodations for being a dumb bitch

it's a beautiful day to get your dick and balls stomped

I just received happy birthday from Anonymous via Throne. Thank you! throne.com/jizzwitch #Wishlist #Throne