today twitter introduced a feature that let's people tweet in their voice. but never forget the INVOICE the lord received when he paid for our eternal sins.

I have announced that I will be his VP

you can post shit like "my roommate put the addams family theme on 9hrs a day" no one will ever question it. you will get the medal of honor

Daddy’s back

just remember ALL CAPS when you spell the man name

my boy can chef!!!

the only MLM i wanna be talkin about is Me Lovin Melons 🤨

Bro!! I can't believe I slept through Group Breastfeeding Time 😳 daylight savings 😩😩 think you can get me some leftovers ?? 🫣

the single whitest thing I’ve ever witnessed was Love Shack being danced to at an election campaign party

Next on Maury: I have 15 grammys with 11 different women!

proud Illinois resident

the hgtv dream home implies the existence of an hgtv nightmare home

I’m pregnant … 😳🤯