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Since the Universe has no center, you can’t be it.

Fellas, y’all have to try harder than a “you’re pretty”. The 38 yr old middle eastern men in my DMs have already written 6 poems and promised me all their assets

Being gay is not a choice but being an asshole is.

Money can't buy happiness, but love can't buy a Ferrari either.

My grandmother lived to be 102. When I asked her what her secret was, she said, “God’s punishing me.”

what if public libraries were open late every night and we could engage in public life there instead of having to choose between drinking at the bar and domestic isolation

“Social media is the toilet of the internet.” Lady Gaga

I waved to a man because I thought he waved at me. Apparently he waved to an other woman. So to get out of the awkward situation I kept my hand up and a taxi pulled over and drove me to the airport. I am now in Poland starting a new life.

my social media isn’t private, but my life is. you don’t know me... you just know my social media.

At my funeral take the bouquet off my casket & throw it in the crowd to see who next

You know, you can live and not tweet

Next time you’re sitting around feeling that the whole world hates you, just remember that hardly anyone actually knows you. The few that do, hate you, sure, but not the rest of the world. Hope that helps.