[After leaving Willy Wonka’s factory] ME: WIFE: ME: WIFE: ME: WIFE: Lot of deaths for a to— ME: A LOT of deaths for a tour!

Me: Hey, come on in! Make yourselves at home! Can I get you guys anything? My friends:

What is Nike supposed to do with this lmao

Patron: So one of the horses will be drawn from the side and the other will be from the front. Medieval artist: From the.. front? Patron: Right. You know how to draw horses from the front, right? Artist: Y-yeah, totally.

this guy —> 🤬 is disgusting. i can only imagine what he is saying. and to a woman no less

I love how game stop is just out here casually tweeting 😂

what’s the word for when you’re very smart but can’t remember anything and know literally nothing

Still can't believe he said this. All-time wrong answer

The Joker has a crush on Bruce Wayne, and even has feelings for him.

Scott Brooks on the 76ers: "They put their socks on one sock at a time, just like us — unless they’re doing something tricky, putting two socks on, but I don’t think so."

(starting my first review as a NYT food critic) Mmmmmmm,

Jonny Greenwood: {virtuosically playing a neolithic percussion instrument that hasn’t been documented since 1200 AD} Thom Yorke: Ouuuhhh,

Let’s all sing along