Much to consider

Thanks dad

Being mean to your mom and realizing it later

Can’t get over how bad the album name is. How did that happen

Vegas, what's cracking? Look, big game. Big bum. It made sense to us. And your bum was made to do big things. Like help us save the world by wiping with toilet paper that donates 50% of profits to help people access clean water and toilets. Honestly, your bum could be huge.

Salt is so versatile. It wards off evil spirits AND slugs

Nerd

Anyone But You is very very bad

I don't know who needs to hear this, but something resonates *with* you, you don't resonate with it

*sticks toilet paper to the bottom of some loafers* That'll be $500, please

Ok I’ve got it, my biggest pet peeve. When you’re driving and give way for someone to cross the road, and they just keep going at a leisurely pace. Even worse with eye contact. The absolute display of dominance makes my hackles go up. Give me the little scurry across!!!

Is Justin Timberlake using a ring light in his mug shot

Pregnancy is wild. My whole life even looking at a glass of milk would make me poop my pants. Now I’m chugging a bottle every day or two