Started going to yoga recently to reduce stress/anxiety. In yesterday’s session I picked the only mat in the room that was directly in the line of sunlight and spent 1 hour in different positions while my eyelids cooked. Still stressed but at least I’ve got a bit of a tan now

Must’ve been a really bad episode of Saturday Night Takeaway

Who’s going to the BBC Comedy Festival this year?

I was recently on a plane and got talking to the person next to me and I was absolutely certain he had an Australian accent so when there was a break in the conversation I said I recognise your Australian accent whereabouts in Australia are you from and he said Sutton Coldfield

See you in 2 weeks Paul #TheApprentice

Cafe Nero has just opened its 15th branch in Leeds which means they’re now just 100 away from matching the number of Greggs

My Roman Empire is the fact that rhubarb grows well here because our climate is exactly like the Siberian tundra

Bought resale tickets for me and my Mum to see Take That next week and the seats are so bad I just asked her if she’s scared of heights

Thought leader? I’m not even a thought participant

Eve of my 30th birthday. Want to say something profound about 20s but can only think ‘What the fuck was that’. Here’s to a chaotic new decade

Fab weekend in London for the #BigComedyConference - was lovely to catch up with writing pals and to discover my true calling as a microphone holder/giver-outer. As you can see I haven’t been able to stop - this morning I asked the postman if he had any questions for the panel

Blackpool Tower’s net worth gone up a lot today

#Glasto

Yesterday I forgot what diffusers were called and searched Google for ‘wet candle sticks’

Post-match analysis

Edinburgh Fringe: 10/10
My fringe: 3/10, too long, must get a haircut

Edinburgh Fringe bound! What shows should I see? Anyone got any recommendations for shows on tonight after 9ish?

Worst first day as a sheep herder ever

HelloFresh call me nearly every day to try and get me to resubscribe and I’m running out of creative ways to decline. Today I nearly said ‘no thank you, I don’t eat food’

Got my first ever comedy writing credit!! Celebrating with a glass of wine and a delicious homemade paella that looks quite a bit like cat sick x