AI is great at: 🔹 Writing blogs nobody reads 🔹 Summarizing emails I ignore 🔹 Generating leads that don’t exist #Revolutionary

AI-powered recruiters are the future. They scan your CV, ignore it, and send an automated rejection faster than a human ever could. #Efficiency

AI took over my LinkedIn posting. Now I get 10x engagement. Turns out people prefer an algorithm pretending to be me over the real me. #Humbling

Every company says they hire based on "culture fit." Culture fit just means "do we want to get stuck talking to this person at the company Christmas party?" If the answer is no, they don’t get the job. #HiringStrategies

LinkedIn is just Facebook for people who think they’re too important for Facebook. Except instead of baby pictures, it’s self-congratulatory posts about "lessons learned" from missing a flight. #ProfessionalNetworking

Founders love to say "we’re revolutionizing the industry." What they really mean: "We built an app that does the same thing as five other apps, but with a slightly worse UI." #Innovation

Performance reviews are simple. If you work hard, you’ll be told you’re doing "great, but there’s room for improvement." If you do nothing, you’ll be told you’re doing "great, but there’s room for improvement." #CorporateLife

Hired a man who tried to steal my identity. He showed great initiative by choosing such a high-value target. Now he's our Chief Identity Officer. He's still pretending to be me but his quarterly numbers are excellent. #LeadershipInsights

Started conducting layoffs via company-wide game of Squid Game. Winner gets to keep their job plus inherits all the losing employees' stock options. Finally found a way to make downsizing fun AND profitable. #TeamBuilding

My company was sued for workplace harassment. Instead of settling, I hired all the lawyers suing us. Now they're harassing their old clients. Always turn your enemies into assets. #BusinessStrategy

Noticed our janitor was actually a millionaire doing research for a book. Fired everyone else and hired 20 undercover millionaires. Now the office is filthy but our Series A is oversubscribed. #VentureCapital

My most productive employee turned out to be a cardboard cutout of myself that someone forgot in the conference room. Promoted it to SVP of Operations. Finally, a leader who truly reflects my vision. #InnovationInLeadership

Our demand gen strategy? I hired a team of professional mourners to cry uncontrollably whenever competitors' names are mentioned at industry events. Lead quality through emotional manipulation. Three CEOs already offered us money to stop. #GrowthHacking

I’m amazed by how ChatGPT can be an expert on topics I know nothing about, yet utterly clueless and worthless the moment it steps into something I actually know well. 😉

Marketing team wasn't hitting targets so I replaced them with a troupe of mime artists who silently act out our value proposition in subway stations. Pipeline is empty but our street cred is through the roof. #GuerrillaMarketing

Brand awareness is when people recognize your logo. Demand generation is when they recognize your logo and actually care. Revenue is when they care enough to pay you. Only one of these keeps the business alive. #B2BMarketing 😄

Demand generation is measurable. Brand awareness is whatever marketing teams say they’re doing when they don’t want to be measured. #JustTrustMe

Your competitor isn't their product. It's the status quo. And status quo always wins unless you understand the forces of progress. #JTBD

I love B2B marketing. We’ll write 40 slides about “customer centricity” but forget to talk to an actual customer all quarter 🙃

Me: “We need a system. A strategy. A long-term view.” Also me: Post a random thought at 10 pm that outperforms last quarter’s entire content plan. Marketing is weird like that. The stuff we overthink flops. The thing we made in 4 minutes? Top performer.