gotta put this here because its always relevant

Heading into NYC for a live shot, and this is the sign on one of the overpasses

My friend and I got into a discussion earlier about what the best vehicle in literature is. It's obviously Mr Funny's shoe car, but what has your vote? - Michael

The thing is Prince Andrew is guilty AF and everyone’s just kind of let it go so who knows maybe T gets away with it

T pardons Maxwell. She ‘helps’ them with the Epstein list which is now just: All Dems ever Everyone on South Park Stephen Colbert Stormy Daniels Sharks Zelenskyy in a hoodie

I’m on a really complicated train journey where the woman on the tannoy keeps saying things like ‘Anyone who wants to go on to Darby you have six and a half minutes to move to coach J, but only if you’re in coach A, B or E and not any of the alphabet after G’

‘I’ve just been informed there is no coach A…my apologies…you now only have 4 minutes to make it to coach J, you only have 4 minutes to get to coach J’

A 7-year-study of 70,000 elderly people from 19 towns in Japan has found that the more public library books there are in a town, the fewer residents need long-term nursing care.

my coworker just said “I feel like Michael is the blandest name ever. Like imagine if there was like a race car driver and his name was just Michael.”

At least in the UK if you slip into a coma it’s free

More of a marriage one: If you’re not prepared for the possibility of your spouse getting sick or ending up disabled, don’t get married. The amount of people that leave or abuse their disabled significant others is atrocious.

Pretend you’re Les Dennis by putting your arm around a stranger at Lime Street station and looking up at the departures board.

What do they do with the quarter full juice containers they have left? Doesn’t this just take up so much more space??

This is the kind of pointlessness that keeps me up at night

Oasis plays those eight songs in a row as if it were something normal. This band is truly incredible

Hahaha remember when people used to buy snazzy ringtones to reflect their personality

Never did I associate Oasis with being excellent at harmonising. But here we are. m.youtube.com/watch?v=P7yS26…

In high school, I was complaining about how long the school day was and my teacher turned to me and said, "the days are long, but the years are short" and I was like "what the fuck are you talking about you lunatic" and then the bell rang and now I'm in my 30s.

I miss us all watching TV programmes at the same time

I am obsessed with the awful awful awful art sold in Brighton and I think this is, possibly, the very worst I’ve seen.