Okay im on my way to the Charli/Troye concert and a guy in the street just said “Read a bible miss. Find Christ.” So I think I nailed the ‘fit

Why does my tortellini have her whole tortussy out like that?

I feel so lucky to be alive at the same time as my two best friends but also Charli XCX

I didn’t want to be on the presidential ballot but it would have been nice to be asked

the only thing america hates more than a rapist is a woman

you stupid fucks complained about a demented 80 year old man being president for 4 years then elected a demented 78 year old man to be president.

I hope the male loneliness epidemic eats you maga scum alive. I hope you feel a hole in your soul and feel unloved until your dying day. I hope you rot in your deathbed wondering why women looked at you like you had rabies your whole life as your eyes close for the last time.

Street preacher using an autotune karaoke mic like he’s Charli XCX

Little red riding clitoral hood

Me emailing my constituents after staying out til 4am in Bushwick

Just realized no one I've dated identifies as a 'sapiosexual.' Not sure I'm smart enough to know how to feel about that

Therapist said I have the meanest self talk of anyone she's ever worked with. So, confirmed, there's a list...and I'm winning!

Just found out my mom insisted on a c-section so I wouldn't have the same birthday as her ex. I am genetically petty.

She Joey on my chest til I nut (pretend I tweeted this on July 4th)

down bad, babe?

What if I piss? But darling, what if you shit.

I know it’s just a stupid Hallmark holiday but I really don’t want to be single for another 9/11

Guys should I get the cucumber water or the gay hockey water?

Dating a boy be like