As a... – registering user I want to... – have my email address begin to validate after I type the first character so that... – I understand that 'c' isn't considered sufficient and I should continue to type

As a... – Twitter user I want to... – have the timeline refresh a couple of seconds after opening the app So that... – the tweet I am half-way through reading is replaced with a more relevant, promoted tweet.

As a... – restaurant website visitor I want to... – have the restaurant phone number appear as an uncopiable raster image on page 9 of their 48mb stock-photo-filled pdf menu So that... – I can call them

As a... – website visitor I want... – multiple large stylesheets hosted in various places so that... – I can briefly experience the internet of 1998

As a... – consumer I want to... – see my favourite multinational corporations update their social media graphics on June 1st so that... – it distracts me from their presence and business relationships in nations with limited LGBTQ+ rights

As a... – user pasting text from multiple sources I want to... – paste the source formatting by default so that... – all of my documents have that professional, ransom-note vibe

As a… – website visitor I want to… – patiently wait for content to load dynamically so that… – I am awash with delight

As an… – Instagram user I want to… – expand fifty-three comments, three comments at a time, in reverse chronological order so that… – I can read the conversation

As a… – user I want… – unlabelled icons so that… – delight

As a… – Google user I want to… – sign in to my account so that… – I am signed in to my account

As a… – Twitter user I want… – free speech so that… – ░P░U░S░S░Y░ ░I░N░ ░B░I░O░

As a… – Twitter user I want… – access to the world’s most accurate real-time information source, a global town square for communication so that… – I can be repeatedly told to look between letters on my keyboard

As an… – Instagram user I want… – an overwhelming number of options displayed in a wacky pile of buttons so that… – I can add fucking everything to my story

As an... – iPhone 15 owner I want... – an iPhone 16 so that... – I have an iPhone 16 #AppleEvent #iPhone16

As an… – #iOS26 user I want… – a translucent UI that reflects and refracts its surroundings, delivering a new level of vitality across controls so that… – I can struggle to read

As an... – iPhone 16 user I want... – an iPhone 17 so that... – I have an iPhone 17 #AppleEvent #iPhone16

hahahaha the bed sends 16gb of data a month oh god

“Good morning. Your payment has been declined”